It came out of the blue. I don’t know why he has gotten so jealous and always thinks I am lying. We were doing good and then snap something happened. I have reevaluated this relationship over and over. I have lost friends over this relationship, I have lost my confidence and self admiration, I have spent 4 years trying to convice myself things will work out and I still am. I wake up and feel happy and then I am sad. It’s shitty and I still deal with it everyday because when it is good it’s really good and I look forward to more of those moments. I would be losing not just my first love but my best friend. I don’t know if it’s worth it.
I hate being lied to. I hate being treated like shit. And most of all I hate you keeping secrets from me. You blame me for all these things that I do wrong when really you should be looking in the mirror and blaming yourself.
I hate the fact that you have time to answer phone calls from complete strangers, yet you don’t have the time to text or call your gf of 4 years.
do not compare yourself to her
she is beautiful
you are beautiful
you both are two different kinds of beautiful
you can’t compare the sun to the moon
and you shouldn’t
so when you see that woman
you say “god bless her” and “god bless me”
and keep it moving, love.
Life is so fucked up sometimes. Like I would of like to have said was, “yeah you should get out of the car and go home because I don’t want to deal with this stupid shit tonight. I am so willing to do whatever it is you need to do, but when it comes around to what I want to do it’s either stupid of childish to you. Well running you around to drop shit off and be your “wing-man” is what I always wanted too do, yip-eee!” You literally don’t do that much. You sleep, eat, smoke, drink and work on days you have work then stay up all night doing absolutely nothing productive or in my opinion worth spending time on. I get your intentions are admirable and you want to do good by me and for yourself.. But the way you are approaching these obstacles are all wrong. But by all means don’t listen to me because what do I know? Right? I don’t know shit, I never lived in the real world to your standards, and I didn’t grow up living in hard times. I am just a spoiled little brat. Yeah I get it. No reason to be mad because what are doing is supporting you and making you money. That’s what you tell me. My bet is even if you did have the money you would still do it. Kind of like Walter White. I am mad, I am bummed.
What do you want from me??
I’m in love with someone who isn’t in love with me.